What Is This Feeling?
by MissWorded
Summary: A little adventure in Spoofland. Read with caution.
1. What is This Feeling?

**Ryuhou:** You are my ENEMY, Kazuma!

**Kazuma: **You are my ENEMY, Ryuhou!

**Mimori: **_-muttering-_ Sweet Buddha...

**Ryuhou: **Sometimes, I'm just sooooo angry, the only way I can express my feelings is through... a _song_...

What is this feeling, so sudden and new?

**Kazuma:** I felt the moment  
I laid eyes on you

**Ryuhou:** My pulse is rushing...

**Kazuma:** My head is reeling...

**Ryuhou:** My face is flushing...

**Both**: What is this feeling?  
Fervid as a flame,  
Does it have a name...?  
Yes - !

Loathing! Unadulterated loathing!

**Ryuhou:** For your face –

**Kazuma:** -Your voice–

**Ryuhou: **- your clothing!

**Both: **Let's just say...  
I loathe it all!  
Ev'ry little trait, however small  
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl  
With simple utter loathing

There's a strange exhilaration  
In such total detestation  
It's so pure! So strong!

Though I do admit it came on fast  
Still I do believe that it can last

And I will be loathing  
Loathing you

My whole life long!

**Scheris, Urizane, Elian, Kigetsuki, Cougar, Unkei (The Greatest Playwright of all time, btw):**  
Dear Ryuhou you are just too good!  
How do you stand it – I don't think I could!  
He's a terror, He's a tartar  
We don't mean to show a bias (COUGH)  
But Ryuhou, you're a martyr...

**Ryuhou: **_-angelic smile- _Well... these things were sent to try us!

**Assorted HOLY Employees:**  
Cool Ryuhou forced to provide  
A fight for a guy so disgusticified!  
We just want to tell you  
We're all on your side!

**Mimori:** No shit, Sherlocks...

**Assorted HOLY Employees:**  
We share your...

**Ryuhou and Kazuma:**  
What is this feeling, **-AHE: **_Loathing!-_  
So sudden and new? _-Unadulterated loathing!-_  
I felt the moment _-His face, his voice-_  
I laid eyes on _you_! -_His clothing-_  
My pulse is rushing, _-Let's just say...-_  
My head is reeling...

**Assorted HOLY Employees:**  
We loathe it all!

**Ryuhou and Kazuma:**  
Oh, what is this feeling!

**Assorted HOLY Employees:**  
Every little trait however small **(_R&K: _**_Does it have a name...?_  
Makes our very flesh begin to crawl

**Ryuhou and Kazuma:**  
Yes...

**All:**  
Ahhh...  
Loathing!

**Ryuhou and Kazuma:**  
There's a strange exhilaration  
In such total detestation  
It's so pure! So strong!

**Assorted HOLY Employees:**  
So strong!

**Ryuhou and Kazuma:**  
Though I do admit it came on fast,  
Still I do believe that it can last  
And I will be loathing...  
For forever loathing you...  
Truly, deeply loathing you...  
Loathing you...

My whole life long!

* * *

_Alternate Title: _**Why Showtunes and Caffiene Should NEVER be Mixed" **_  
_

_Some Cougar related notes: _

If you can recall my last one-shot, Tango or Waltz, I'd just like to say I'm dreaming up two alternate endings: a Cougar/Mimori, and an R/M. Sooo...yeah. Also about Cougar: Do you guys think he only "mispronounces" the names of those whom he cares about? That does seem like it to me...He only just does Kazuya and Minori, right?

Also, if you don't know what musical this showtune is from... Wicked. I highly recommend the soundtrack. Some word altering, and it completely fit. Nifty, huh?  



	2. Cell Block Tango

**Cell Block Tango – **from **Chicago the Musical**

**Featuring: **Millie Thompson _(Trigun)_, Mimori Kiryu_(s.CRY.ed),_ Azmaria Hendric _(Chrno Crusade)_, Yukina _(Yu Yu Hakusho)_, Sango the Taijiya _(Inuyasha)_

**Guest Starring:** Kaoru Kamiya from Rurouni Kenshin!

* * *

**Kaoru:** Soo... you guys all ready?

_-Her companions enter, all dressed the same strange orange jumpsuit in varying degrees of ruin. Some words appeared to be scribbled out on the front and back, but Kaoru can't make them out.-_

**Millie:** You bet, Kaoru-san!

**Kaoru:** Then let's get this show on the road! _-seats herself at the piano-_

_**The curtain is drawn...

* * *

**_

**Millie:  
**Pop...

**Mimori:**  
Six...

**Azmaria:**  
Squish...

**Yukina:**  
Koorime...

**Sango:**  
Miroku...

**Millie:**  
Pop...

**Mimori:**  
Six...

**Azmaria:**  
Squish...

**Yukina:**  
Koorime...

**Sango:**  
Miroku...

**Kaoru:**  
And now, the five merry murderesses of the Tokyo Prefecture Penitentiary in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango"...

**Millie:  
**Pop...

**Mimori:   
**Six...

**Azmaria:   
**Squish...  
**  
Yukina:  
**Koorime...

**Sango:   
**Miroku...

_(4X)_

**  
All:  
**He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
**  
Yukina:  
**I betcha you would have done the same!  
**  
Millie:  
**Pop...

**Mimori:   
**Six...

**Azmaria:   
**Squish...

**  
Yukina:   
**Koorime...

**  
Sango: **  
Miroku...

_(2X) _  
**  
Millie **_(Spoken) __  
_

You know how people  
have these little habits that get you down.

Like Nicholas.  
Nick liked to light up cigarettes.  
No, not light. SMOKE. So I came home this one day,  
And I am really irritated, and  
looking for a little bit of sympathy  
and there's Nick –

Layin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer  
and lightin'. No, not lightin'.   
_Smokin'_. So, I said to him,  
I said,

"You smoke that cig one more time..."  
...

_-.sigh.-_

And he did.  
So I took the shotgun off the wall  
and I fired two warning shots...  
...into his head.

**All: **  
He had it coming  
He had it coming  
He only had himself to blame  
If you'd have been there  
If you'd have heard it  
I betcha you would  
Have done the same!  
**  
Mimori**_ (Spoken)_  
I met Straight Cougar-  
From the Lost Ground-  
About two years ago, and he told me he was single, and we hit it off right away.  
So, we started living together.  
He'd go to work, he'd come home,  
I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner.

And then I found out.

"Single" he told me.  
Single, my ass!  
Not only was he married -  
Oh no.

He had _six_ wives.

One of those Mormons, you know.

So that night, when he came home, I fixed him his drink as usual.  
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic...

**Kaoru:** Now now, do we really need to get all Aunt Abby-esque?

**All:  
**He had it coming!  
He had it coming!  
He took a flower  
In its prime!  
And then he used it  
And he abused it!  
It was a murder  
But not a crime!  
**  
Azmaria **_(Spoken)_  
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen

Carvin' up the chicken for dinner,  
Minding my own business,  
In storms my husband Joshua in a jealous rage.  
"You've been screwing Remington!" he says.

He was crazy and he kept screamin',  
"You've been screwing Remington!"  
And then he ran into my knife.  
He ran into my knife ten times!

**Kaoru: **Er... what a strange coindence...

**All:   
**If you'd have been there  
If you'd have seen it  
I betcha you would have done the same!  
**  
Yukina **_(spoken)_**:  
**My brother Hiei and I did this double act  
and my husband, Kuwabara, used to travel round with us.  
Now, for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row  
One, two, three, four, five...

Splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip-flops, one right after the other.  
So this one night before the show we're down at the hotel Koorime,

The three of us, boozin', havin' a few laughs and  
we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some.  
I come back, open the door, and there's Hiei and  
Kuwabara doing Number Seventeen - the _spread eagle_.   
Well, I was in such a state of shock,  
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.  
It wasn't until later -  
When I was washing the blood off my hands -  
I even knew they were dead.

**  
Yukina:  
**They had it coming _(**Girls:** They had it coming!)_  
They had it coming _(They had it coming!)_  
They had it coming all along _(They had it coming all along!)_  
I didn't do it _(She didn't do it!)_  
But if I done it _(But if she'd done it - )_  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming _(They had it coming!)_  
They had it coming _(They had it coming!)_  
They had it coming _(They took a flower!)_  
All along..._(In its prime!)_

I didn't do it _(And then they used it!)_  
But if I'd done it,   
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

**Sango **_(Spoken) _  
I loved Miroku more than I can possibly say.  
He was a real artistic guy...sensitive... a painter.  
But he was always trying to find himself.  
He'd go out every night looking for himself...  
And on the way he found -

Kanna,   
Kagura,  
Kikyo...

...And Jakotsu.  
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences.

He saw himself as alive, and _I_ saw him dead.

**Kaoru: **Okay, now this is just kind of strange...

**All:**  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum  
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

**Millie, Mimori, Azmaria:**  
They had it comin'

**Yukina, Sango:**  
They had it comin'!

**M, M, A:**  
They had it comin'!

**Y, S:  
**They had it comin'!

**M, M, A:  
**They had it comin'!

**Y, S:  
**They had it comin'!

**M, M, A:  
**All along!

**Y, S:  
**All along!

**M, M, A:**  
'Cause if they used us!

**Y, S:  
**'Cause if they used us!

**M, M, A: **  
And they abused us!

**Y, S:  
**And they abused us!

**All:  
**How could you tell us that we were wrong?  
**  
M, M, A:**  
He had it coming!

**Y, S:**  
He had it coming!

**M, M, A:**  
He only had himself to blame...

**Y, S:**  
He only had himself to blame...

**M, M, A:**  
If you'd have been there -

**Y, S:**  
If you'd have been there -

**M, M, A:**  
If you'd have seen it -

**Y, S:**  
If you'd have seen it-

**All:**  
I betcha you would have done the same!

**Millie **_(Spoken)_  
You smoke that cig one more time...

**Mimori **_(spoken)_  
Single my ass.

**Azmaria**_(Spoken) _**:  
**Ten times!

**Yukina **_(spoken) _**  
**Number seventeen - the spread eagle.

**Sango **(spoken)  
Artistic differences.  
**  
Millie:  
**Pop...

**  
Mimori:**  
Six...

**Azmaria:**  
Squish

**  
Yukina:   
**Koorime...

**Sango:   
**Miroku...

* * *

Tsk tsk, Mimori... _Arsenic and Old Lace_, anybody?

...Oi, I'm not that old!

_Mucho gracias to:_** xheartmehorrid **(The best ficlet writer since forever... ); **loyalsoul** ; and **Chitskie-Sumiie**


End file.
